Nasal Congestion Goes Away With Benadryl

Log

2006-04-12T05:16:27Z

8 Long Discussion Logs (With Dates)
8 Short Discussion Logs (With Dates)
Life Philopsophy (Exhibition Style Paper 4/7/06)
ILP Goal (Plan Sent to Andy's Email) 3/1/06
Essay 1 Spectacle 3/27/06
Essay 2 Good Life Essay 4/3/06
Essay 3 Individualism 4/4/06
Essay 4 Clash Vs. Sex Pistols 4/5/06
Essay 5 Response To Krishnamurti 4/5/06
Essay 6 Response To Tao Te Ching 4/5/06
Essay 7 Work 4/6/06
Essay 8 Number 7 (but is really 8) 4/6/06
Essay 9 Money 4/6/06
Essay 10 Punk Is Really Dead 4/10/06
Reflection 5
Reflection 6

Discussion Logs 8 Long, 8 Short

2006-04-12T05:07:04Z

Date: 2/1/06
Topic: Ways to make class more efficient and get more work done.
Summary: We went around class and everyone gave their insight on how the class should be restructured for the new semester. Chris Ng brought up his idea of having consolidated groups so friends would not be compelled to talk to each other. Raliecha, felt that it was very kindergarden if we would to have assigned seats and that kids should motivate themselves to work. I agree with Raliecha, it’s a matter of self motivation and clearly a lot of kids have taken advantage of this class the wrong way.

Date: 2/6/06
Topic: Solomon’s song “Listen To Me.”
Summary: I really loved Solomon’s song. It was something he felt motivated to do for the class, something a lot of people have failed to do thus far in the class. I felt bad because a lot of people gave mediocre responses like “I liked it, it was cool.” So people like myself and Imani tried to put our musical insight into our commentary. I felt it was the least we can do for a fellow striving musician.

Date: 2/7/06
Topic: Class Issues.
Summary: Again this discussion circled around the classes concern with its own productivity. I couldn’t help but single out Chris Ng who in my opinion was the only student in this class who did his work, and was being being taken advantage with all these conversation about productivity. He is a martyr for the idea that it can be done. Raliecha also felt the class has been very lazy and she voiced her anger. I agree with Raliecha when she said if you don’t want to do the work you shouldn’t be there. People felt attacked and began to verbally fend for themselves, which is always the problem in the class, people also turn to themselves.

Date: 3/7/06
Topic: Traditional Class Structure.
Summary: Andy started class basically saying that he and classmates are thinking about scrapping the minimum requirements and going to a traditional assignment/grade system. This is because of the class’s lack of productivity. All I could think about is Andy abusing his new power if this goes through. People don’t think things through thoroughly, when they know they’re screwing up they panic and revert to a new radical idea. Its not that serious, and a compromise can be reached.

Date: 3/8/06
Topic: Continuation From Last Conversation.
Summary: I walked into class trying to stop this traditional class system from reaching any new ground. I kept thinking about how it might rip people off like Chris Ng and Raliecha, people who actually do their work and not complain and blame their work problems on the class. Chris brought up the assignment where kids write their own proposals to change the class structure with the minimum requirements in jeopardy. A poll was taken and the majority voted that the minimum requirements should stay in place.

Date: 3/13/06
Topic: Final discussion on clas.
Summary: Small groups discussions were in place before the class came together for a discussion. My group mainly believed that the minimum requirements should stay in place. Kathy did all the recording and clarifying. Ultimately Solomon’s proposal passed. This conversation really gave me the impression the class is full of brats. When the YWC folks plan got shot down, they went into a whining frenzy. A great deal of respect is missing from this class.

Date: 3/14/06
Topic: Class Discussion Changes.
Summary: A 2/3 rules was in place in order to make requirement changes. This is going to make things harder. There was constant argument over soloman’s proposal. Eugenia called it to a vote but the class voted against and continued to argue. This class is really stubborn.

3/30/06- Whole Class Discussion
"The Good Life"
Note-Taker: Me
Facilitator: Andy
Speakers: Everyone

"The good life is being happy, having full stomach,
being healthy, and love..."

-Barry Gong

Things people listed as their drives to a good life:
- Food - Reproduction
- Money - Material Things
- Beauty - Rich Lifestyle
- Love - Peace, Tranquility/Worry-Free
Lifestyle
- Power - Acceptance/Fitting In
- Education - Excitement/Stimulation
- Status - Satisfaction/Accomplishment
- Sex - Drama

"Anyone is willing to mangle their body for the sake
of conformity, is a mental slave..."
- Andy Snyder

- Going through the list of things people considered
as part of the "good life", there were alot of
contradictions. Andy first targeted Kathy and her
style of fashion as the quote above indicates. She was
wearing high-heels and tight jeans, in other words
(even if she doesn't admit it) she was using sex
appeal as a means of her being "happy".

SHORT

Date: 2/6/06
Participants: Imani, Raliecha, and myself.
Topic: Possible biography subjects.
Summary: At first I wanted to do Andy because I no idea what to do but ultimately I wanted to do my sister because I only really know her as a roommate and not what really goes on inside her head. In the end, after hearing people’s comments I figured I was going to do my biography on my sister.

Date: 3/1/06
Participants: Myself (facilitator), Norman (note-taker), Barry (presenter), Kathy, and myself
Topic: BB’s Audio Piece.
Summary: Kathy said that distributing the rich’s money amongst the poor will give the dollar no value. Chris said his parents are in the middle class based on what he thinks his income is. I was always aware of the economic schism between different classes. The audio clip just reiterated it and perhaps gave it a new meaning since audio can be interpreted many ways.

Date: 3/1/06
Participants: Henry and myself
Topic: Bread Factory Simulation.
Summary: Henry had played the oppressive security guard and I mentioned how he should’ve let the works loot the factory while he held Andy hostage. Me and Henry agreed that the factory was going lay off worker with the introduction of the machine which happens almost everywhere.

Date: 3/2/06
Participants: Henry, Andy, and myself.
Topic: The Running Man discussion.
Summary: This took place during lunch. I haven’t started the book by hearing them talk about it really made me want to make me read the book more. All the connections King makes in his book and the plot seem really interesting.

Date: 3/2/06
Participants: Imani, Henry, Raliecha, and myself.
Topic: Power Structures and Their Origins.
Summary: We listed the power structures in our lives. Raliecha said gender and Henry said U.S. domination of the world. I brought up power structures at home like parents. I never thought parents as controlling powers; I just kind of always listened and followed. It’s like an Asian aesthetic.

Date: 3/10/06
Participants: Imani, Henry, Raliecha, and myself
Topic: Hegemony Packet
Summary: We talked about the Matrix excerpt and hegemonic powers having a hand in cultural societies through out Europe and how we can kick these hegemonic structures out of our lives and the world. Raliecha came up with the idea that we should fire with fire. Its good to know that people are well aware of there hegemonic powers in our worlds.

Date: 3/13/06
Participants: Andy, Norman, Barry, Chris Li, Chris Ng, Andrew, and myself
Topic: Class Changes.
Summary: Chris Ng voiced his frustration with the class and said that the class doesn’t need to be changed and instead people need to motivate themselves. He then mentioned that, “To make the class function, we should change ourselves, rather than change the class.” Andy voiced his support for Chris’s opinion. The class later dismissed Chris Ng’s idea. I thought it was good but then again we can’t make the class think one way.

Date 4/2/06
Participants: Emily, and myself
Topic: Aftermath of my first proposal.
Summary: I felt the class was at its boiling point. Kathy and Andy, Me and Eugenia, Imani and Kathy, Kathy and Henry. I just felt my proposal wasn’t truthfully voted on because the class tabled it to a vote right after a heated argument that had nothing to do with it. Emily agreed that people were talking over me. Ultimately we both felt that I should give the proposal another go.

Life Philopsophy Essay

2006-04-12T05:05:03Z

I’m not too young to write a truthful life philosophy, nor does anyone else, regardless of age. But it is quite obvious that I have not been given the full opportunity to learn all there is to learn about the world and its relationships with human beings, to be able to come up with an obsolete life philosophy essay. This essay will focus on my life philosophy thus far in my life. In Krishnamurti’s “What are you doing with your life?” he emphasizes that one’s journey to find one’s purpose in life can be found through inward realization of one’s own self by analyzing one’s relationships, and the actions one makes in life and asking him/herself the culminating question that brings meaning to all of his/her’s findings, “Why?” Questions ranging from the likes of “Why do I act like this?” to “Why do I like chocolate candy so much?” are all analytical questions directed towards one own self. One never has to come to a final answer because just the act of questioning one’s self signifies that one is able to be able to know how to life a good life and that there’s a great deal of self control since there is self-awareness.
Life is full of reactions, reactions to other actions whether it is one’s own or another person’s because actions establish relationships.

“To understand the full significance of living, we must understand the daily tortures of our complex life; we cannot escape from them.” (Krishnamurti)

In order for us to realize the purpose to our own lives, we must understand what our lives are and we do so by break it down to our individual relationships with every aspect of the world. In this case, we must understand why we do the unhealthy stuff we do. We obviously want to lead healthy lives instead, but leading healthy lives do not mean losing weight and taking weight lost pills. Living a healthy life to me is all about making your life stand for something good, establishing relationships that mean something, and everything I do must be contributive to a greater positive idea. For example, I ride my bicycle because I believe that there is so much more to see above ground than being transported in metal tubes through man made tunnels. Which is also why my mental map of Brooklyn isn’t correct because everywhere I go in Brooklyn I go via subway. So when I want to get somewhere is always me stepping in my underground station and coming up above at my destination, I never get to see everything that lies in between those two points. I miss the visual process in which I make my travel. I don’t get to see the transition of one neighborhood to another, from one singular racially domination area to another, from one crumbling brownstone to another, etc.
By establishing a strong visual relationship with my travels I am enriching my knowledge as well as my self-awareness about the world that exists around that I am not aware of. I believe there is strong meaning behind seeing because seeing is the gateway between reality and our minds and we interpret that reality however we want. Through black and white photography people can strip reality of its realness. Which is why I believe photography is a form of art even though some people don’t. Art to me is that act of raising awareness and maybe sometimes even delivering a twisting depiction of what is supposed to be the real world. Photography is the documentation of a moment of the world that has past and gone. That moment can be manipulated, built upon through exaggeration, or stripped from to also deliver that twisted depiction of the real world. I try to understand my relationship with the world through art. Through manipulating it or stripping it, I can create something out of my head. This act of creation is the action that establishes a relationship between that captured moment in reality and myself.
One part of my life’s philosophy is to understand the world around us; Understanding the world we live in and the things we live in it with, as well as the relationships that exists between those things and us. We are supposed to establish positive relationships with things that stand for something good so that it may credit our perception of the world, and of course our lives. If our lives are riddled with bad relationships, we must try to understand them and leave them out of our lives.
What we do everyday has strong impact on who we are as individuals because ours actions are physical representations of our motives, thoughts, instincts, etc; basically physical actions are exercises of the mind. If our mental maps from birth are wrong and unethical then our actions reflect that because humans always find it easier to listen to themselves than others. Which brings me to my point; we must re-build our mental maps from the foundation up because we live in a world that corrupts our human nature as well as the way we think. No longer do we think like the innocent hunter and gatherers from the dawn of time where when we are hungry we think, “Must go hunt deer,” but instead because of the opportunities and deceptions the world clutter our minds with we think instead, “I need to go take some money out from the ATM machine, so I can go to the nearest Pathway supermarket and buy a pound of meat.” Society has complicated our lives.

“Because of this we are always stuck in a hole, as we consume more and more, the maze known as satisfaction, gets more and more complex and larger. This simple consumption is no longer enough. We get so lost in our search for more satisfying things that we have no idea that our chance for real freedom and self-realization is getting slimmer and slimmer as the maze gets more complex.” (Wong)

Because of how our lives are so complicated now, we life lives full of more trivial but unnecessary problems. Suddenly the problems that bother us are no longer really concerning us, but our problems derived from society’s creations. For some reason we mistaken that it is natural to have materialistic problems in our lives, like not having money, not having that Pathway supermarket, not having that ATM machine, and not having that nicely cut, chemically enhanced, industrialized piece of meat in our lives. We have mental maps installed inside our brains that have caused us to shape our lives, our actions, and our relationships around these unnecessary material things. The sad part is that some of us are so far from realizing this that they have developed a fatal dependency on these things, that if these consumptions and deceptions were taken away from them, they would cease to know how to live their own lives. This is because their lives had become so interlocked with society.
Our relationships with materialistic aspects of society are poisoning and corrupting us. We must realize our relationships with that Pathway supermarket, money, etc; then we must destroy them and create a new mental map that incorporates more of human necessity in its place. No longer should we let society teach us how to interpret our own lives.

“Rather than being triumphant because of the huge emphasis it now enjoys, the self is at risk. Selfhood is now seemed to be in a state of perpetual crisis in the modern west. Alienated intellectuals and suicidal youth; culture wars and volatile markets; endless addictions to food, work, alcohol and narcotics sexual inadequacy and thrill killers – all feed into education and entertainment industries that keep the intensity of our selfhood perpetually on the boil, nagging and unsettling, but also inspiring and thrilling us with mystery, fear and pleasure.” (Mansfield 2)

How are we supposed to realize ourselves when we already sold that long ago? We are so infatuated with the wrong ideas, life dependent on all the wrong substances, and fixated on all the wrong television channels. A real life example of our infatuations with all the wrong ideas would the current war in Iraq going over seas. We all so bottled up with fear because we live day to day with this threat of terrorism hanging over our heads like a cloud. Because of this fear, we bring ourselves to believe the idea that a war should in order because for some reason, bringing fear and destruction to a remote country would some how relieve ourselves of it. We were always under a threat of being attacked, it’s human nature that if one feels threatened, that they will react. Americans have been so fixated on the idea that Americans are self entitled in the world and they can’t be hurt. We must correct these mental maps, and instead of crediting ourselves because the strength of the countries we live in, the armies we’re guarded by, or what president we’re bowing before, we should credit ourselves because of ourselves.
Of course if there’s life, there has to be death; the culminating event that your life has built up to. Everything, no matter how different, leads back to the center at the end. People have different mental maps concerning death because of their religious beliefs, the video games they play, or the action pack Chuck Norris movies they watch. I too have indulged in these religious beliefs, video games, and action packed movies, but my perception of death still remains non-existent. People are so fixated on grandiosity in death. Something like their bodies are going to explode and become one with the stars, or they’re going to walk a ladder made out of clouds to the heavens, or they’re going to a really hot underground cave known as hell. People make up things because they are not comfortable with not knowing about something.

“When you say that the purpose of life is to be happy, the purpose of life is to find god, surely that desire to find god is an escape from life and your god is merely a thing that is known. You can only make your way towards an object, which you know; if you build a staircase to the thing that you call god, surely that is not god. Reality can be understood only in living, not in escape.” (Krishnamurti)

The truth is that we don’t know anything about death at all. We make up all these weird ideas of what death might be so that we can believe and get it off our minds. This is why I believe organized religion is so powerful. Almost all forms of religion, Christianity, Buddhism, Catholicism, etc, all almost say our actions and relationships determine where we’re going to end up in life, whether we go to heaven or hell, whether we are reincarnated as a pig or a human, or whether we’re damned to an eternity of torture in hell. I feel they are assuring people they’re going to this mystical afterlife if they make their religious ideals real through worship. Religion is a big escape. Personally, I see it as living life within reality like as it was a movie with a plot. People need to live reality. Some have even made religion their reality. All forms of deity are in some way inaccessible to their worshipers. “You have to pray to speak with god.” “When god descends, you can look at him directly with your eyes because he is too great.” Why do people worship something they can’t even see? This leaves space for our imagination so that we can make religion more suitable to our needs. Some say God is white and some say God is black. Some say Heaven is in the clouds, and some say Heaven is a world without sinners. Everyone have their own interpretation of their religion and their religious texts, which makes religion more credible as an escape than a belief or a way of life because life is not life when it is lived in escape. In addition to religions being an unhealthy escape from reality and one’s own natural life, it installs all these mental maps just like how society does. It tells people how to live their lives, if they don’t want to go to hell.
You might say that by writing this life philosophy paper that I am in a way making my own life specifically suitable to my own life so I can life it in greatness because I devised my own guidelines; that it is an escape for me just like how religion is for the people I talk about in my paper. I believe the human is given choices and options in life but they never take the time to think about every option. People always journey out of their bodies instead of journeying inside themselves deeper.

”It’s always easier to fall on our knees before the world’s deceptions than it is to realize something real. Deceptions are presented to you as opposed to realities, which are to be sought out within you. People are presented with a door that can potentially open up to their inner selves but so many people are fixated on what’s behind the door instead of the evolution of thought that leads to the door opening.” (Wong)

People should focus on how they might be able to open the door instead of scratching away at it with what might be behind it. When you look deeper inside you have to do so with mental clarity. Mental maps are so in place and they alter your interpretation of yourself. Even I myself ask myself once in a while what is behind my door but honestly I do not have a clue so why would I spend more time thinking about it. This is why I fixate myself on my relationship with the world and my daily actions because maybe I will realize later what’d behind my door and where the key is.

I L P (Plan Sent To Your Email)

2006-04-12T05:04:25Z

My perspective of the subway in photograph number three is that physical shapes and structures surround the subway along its tracks due to the subway’s encouragement of population growth and urban development. In my photograph, I want to show the semiotic relationship between the subway and the Brooklyn cityscape. I feel that I have achieved this by photographing the M train from a prominent physical structure that shares a relationship with the subway, the Williamsburg bridge. Drawn to the horizon seen at the end of the pedestrian walkway, I am intrigued because it appears to go on infinitely while at the same time looking as if it has been collaged together by rows of buildings separated by streets and avenues only accessible through the subway. Therefore, the New York City subway car can be interpreted as a crucial jigsaw piece that completes the overall New York City urban puzzle.

Photograph number one pays tribute to the relationship that exists between New Yorkers and the transit system. An avid subway rider myself, I believe this is a significant link common to all city dwellers. Through this perspective I am able to photograph how people rely on the subway to commute back and forth between their homes and destinations. My choice to portray an apartment building as opposed to actual people because I feel that only seeing their homes depicts the dependence New Yorkers’ have on the subway. I am fond of how the subway is in motion therefore making the building seem blurry and its surroundings seem to compliment its movement. The fact that the building is half lit implies that there are people still out and about within the subway system.

Photograph number two explores the idea that the subway is a bearer of light to dark areas of the city. No matter how consumed in darkness the city is, it is illuminated each time a train rolls by. The lighting of its surrounding as it passes by suggests that every subway train carries life, urban society as well as physical bodies as it worms its way through the city. In the darkroom I emphasized the horizon as seen at the end of the train. The building to me symbolizes how it has been once again consumed in darkness. But the faintly lit horizon suggests that another train follows and that the empty dark streets and avenues the previous train had left behind would be once again delivered light and bustling urban nightlife.

Spectacle

2006-04-12T04:59:36Z

I never recognized the spectacular. However I was always aware of it. “There’s got to be another reason…” We all wish we were that “Neo” character but the sad reality is that most us will never be because we’ve dug ourselves in too deep into a societal hole. Society is spectacular. People lose the individual’s most valuable asset, solitude. We convince ourselves almost everyday that we’re a part of something bigger, whether it be the religious realization of life after death, or just being a part of something called society, we each have shaped the way we live our lives in accordance to these false beliefs. People believe that getting rich and wealthy is the only way to climb their societal ladders, but there is also the not so much climbed intellectual ladder. A lot of us don’t make the Cipher choice, since most of us don’t give ourselves to the opportunity to even realize a different life apart from the one we were developed for and everyday things that we do reassure that the leather straps are still tightly clamped around our ankles and wrists for example, the average New Yorkers’ dependence on the cellular phone. People invest their earnings into outrageous ring tones featuring their favorite artists so that every time they receive a call, they are reminded that they are a part of something. That something can be anything such as having friends who care enough to call the person, or that they are up to date with the week’s “hottest tunes”. But the reality is that they’re only living under a global conglomerate known as Verizon or Nextel. They are living their lives everyday depending on that little cellular phone to ring, so that their friend’s can reach them and tell them which bar or pub to meet them later tonight. I own a cellular phone and my dependence on it is ridiculous. I have waited for that ring so I can feel that I am a part of something. Every time my mom calls me, I’m constantly reminded of a “reasonable time” to be home. Every time a friend calls, I probably know where and how I’m going to spend my time. They say the pen is mightier than the sword, and it might as well be mightier than that hunk of metal floating around the earth, relaying cell phone signals. In a way cellular phones dumb down the human brain. I could have never spoke like this essay over the phone nor thought the same way. We infatuate ourselves with this idea of an efficient method in which we can relay messages to each other that we lose track of what we say to each other. Instead of in depth conversations, we speak bland phrases like “what’s up” and “ok, bye” to each other because we don’t “want to waste our minutes.”
I do intend to emancipate myself from mental slavery. I feel it is very important to do so if I am to produce art, which is a product of someone’s mind. And if I don’t, my art wont be challenging if the “fuck yea!” guy that stands outside Seven Eleven has the same mental ability to think the same thing. I intend to emancipate myself by questioning everything I do. “There’s got to be another reason…” There always is because the world is endless. I think this is the only time I should separate my whites from my blacks because if everything were to be entirely one or the other I would be lost. I think we’re all cyphers from birth, its just some of us try to be Neo’s and some of us like being “fuck yea!” guy that stands outside Seven Eleven.

Good Life

2006-04-12T04:59:13Z

Of course the obvious answer would be the one we’ve been discussing in class for months on end, one that excommunicates our souls from this “identity machine” known as society. But as a class, we’ve only skimmed the idea and the lifestyle itself, on the surface. One way of living a healthy life that I already know of would be a straight edge life style, no smoking, no drinking, and no fucking. But the idea can be interpreted many different ways but my understanding of the underlying ideas of the straight edge life style make me think that this is the best place for any person to start if they want to quest for an overall better life. It is a conjunction of many different ideas. One, why kill yourself? You can smoke yourself to death, drink yourself to death, and sex can serve to be the great corruptor of adolescent youth because it fans this alpha male flame burning deep inside almost all of us. Two, by doing these things, you’re indulging in the same luxuries as the rich, the same bad people who takes this world out of its natural order because of their greed. Why would anyone want to do anything that would identify themselves as the rich? Money also serves as another great corruptor of humans. It’s the only thing that divides humans amongst humans and it creates classes and molds them into their individual specific characteristics. Three, the idea straight edge ultimately advocates this big idea of self-control when adolescent approach the coming of age and adulthood.
Sure some maybe argue that alcohol, the act of smoking substances, and sexual intercourse has been a part of humanity for quite some time now, but all these things have been turned into marketable objects. Anheuser Busch tells you what beer to drink, Philip Morris tells you what to smoke, and the pornography industry shows you how to have sex. These three companies are altering everyone’s mental maps. What used to be a natural human activity is now a uniformed action that everyone is told how to perform. We are suddenly taught again how to have sex by the industry and the companies even though sex has been prominent since the dawn of humans. But before pornography, existed the master puppeteer of human sexual activities as well as human morality, religion. Now sex until marriage and it should only be done when a child is going to be conceived.
We can see that every aspect of our lives is in one way or the other being controlled by some sort of hegemonic power. The solution should be that in order to lead a good life, we should free ourselves from these powers that seem to control us like dogs under the leash. Living our lives in complete randomness would be a good way to lead a good life, but then we would be able to differentiate between good and bad. I think we, as humans should first identify the good from the bad. It’s bad that the meat industry brutally slaughters animals in horrible different ways in the name food. It’s good how people are becoming vegetarians and vegans. It’s bad how children are being forced to work in sweatshops for practically no pay. Its good how people don’t wear brand name clothing that are made overseas and its good how companies like American Apparel are raising awareness to the issue while also providing an alternative, if not solution to the problem. It’s bad that the blood or Americans and Iraqis are being shed for the sake of “America’s” oil. It’s good how people abandoned their cars and reverted to biking and walking. The list goes on however a lot of people aren’t doing the good and instead they are doing what’s bad. It’s because people are afraid to cast themselves from under the shadows of others. It’s easier to fit in quietly than to announce yourself to strangers and make a scene. People don’t like to be the center of unwanted attention because for a moment they misstep and hinder the march that we all seem to blindly step in unison.
I’m not the leader of this kind of good healthy life. I believe it’s always easier to smoke than to quit, easier to have sex than abstain, easier than to drive than walk and easier to accept than to question. It’s easier because a mightier individual makes it so. Its easier to sit there than to walk. This is one metaphor is live my life by, which is why I walk a lot. I feel I’m being productive while walking because I’m increasing my awareness of the world by witnessing the changes first hand. I do live a bad life however but I consider it good that I am well aware of the bad in the world.

Individualism

2006-04-12T04:58:56Z

Why is it an Asian aesthetic that you have to work hard till your knuckles pop out of your skin? I feel the American lifestyle I was raised up to life is very corruptive. Why is race classified by behavior? I have friends who tell me that I’m not very Asian, or that I act white? But then who are you to be criticizing, stop trying to be afro-centric and ghetto. We have whites that try be someone else, blacks who try to be someone else, and Asians who try to be someone else. I wouldn’t say that this haunts me but it’s disturbing that I might be something I’m not supposed to be. I’m not saying I should try to be something else. One of your greatest tools in life is learning how to make compromises. Everything loves opening these nicely wrapped personalities that aren’t theirs. Which brings me to the question, does the idea of individualism really exist? We don’t even know what it is. It’s very cool to say that you’re an individual, that you’re not one with the system, that you’re no longer a tool, but are we truly what we say we are? I see people say one thing but do the other. Girls who call themselves feminists but still dress themselves up nicely for the boys, punks who call themselves anarchists but shop at Hot Topic and have to get home before midnight, and the whole alpha male idea. No longer are the smart people separated from the ignorant, but it’s the macho from the skinny. We all fit ourselves nicely into these identity caskets and until we realize that our ignorance is slowly nailing the cover shut.
It’s like the hip thing now to be an individual because now it’s worn instead thought and it’s talked about instead of lived. I’ve seen friends turned into mirror images of each other and people who act like other people. It’s really important for people to feel like they belong to something. Something like finding god when you’re old and alone, you’re by yourself and you want to feel that you’re a part of something before you’re dead. People fit in for all the wrong reasons. It’s easy to classify someone by what’s on the outside, but it’s hard to classify anything on the inside.

Clash Vs. Sex Pistols

2006-04-12T04:58:40Z

Which is better, the clash or the sex pistols?

Even though they both were in existence around the same time probably shared the same bill on some nights, both the Sex Pistols and the Clash are two completely different bands. Both band rose from the same distraught city, and politically opposed to the same things, but both had their own distinct ways of conveying the same message. Both the clash and the sex pistols were keen in the ways of fashion and how they presented themselves. From Johnny Rotten’s torn and tattered sense of fashion along with the sex pistols’ dress to shock mentality, to Joe Strummer’s military looks and the Clash’s witty political slogans, both bands brought two distinctively different forms of punk rock to the world that even today, is still easily distinguishable.
The sex pistols’ music always had that cloudy overcast of crudeness. Over a simple clear political statement, was a blanket of crude sped up rock and roll riffs and obnoxious theatrics. As opposed to the clash’s background, the sex pistols was band that was made up of simple urban teenagers, all of them products of the current political climate of their time. However this climate had a more urban effect on them since it affected them on a neighborhood level. In their documentary, the Filth and the Fury, Rotten bashes the undying hippie/mod fashion, saying that people were still so preoccupied and blinded with this colorful happy sense of hippie culture and ideals that they didn’t notice the garbage strike that was going on down the block that caused a humongous garbage pile up. Punk rock to them was probably supposed to be this escape from the fake fairy tale that everyone around seemed to be living in which can be realized in their distinct music style, a rude awakening, the thrown rock that was bound to break the window. The music was crude and simple, but they still defined a genre later to be known for its obscene sense of fashion, outright leftist ideals, anarchic messages, and threat to society. From denouncing the queen of a nation, to exposing the truth about how major record labels are ripping them off, the sex pistols approach was always to reveal to shock.
Joe Strummer was the son of a diplomat so he was always on the move throughout the world. He was already exposed to so many things and had a lot more to say. And his political horizons were farther away than just the urban environment the pistols flourished from. While the sex pistols screamed about it, the clash sought to provide a solution. They made their messages clear and said nothing else besides the truth. The sought to reveal than to shock and they sought to change instead of destroy. The clash were known for their intricate experimentation with different genres of music, from garage rock, to dub, and to ska, their messages got more real and rich as their music got more challenging, which should be the perfect formula for any political band that truly sought societal change through their music. Some categorize the Clash’s music as classic rock instead of punk rock even though punk is the ideology and not the dumb idea that is sold to us by the media and Vh1 behind the music specials. It would be ironic for punk to have any boundaries at all since punk rockers seek to destroy and break through them.
Personally I believe that the Clash are better because as I grow up and my musical taste yearns for excitement and challenge, the clash are able to satisfy that need. Not to mention the sex pistols really only wrote a handful of songs and only one credible album. The Clash delivers this colorful spectrum of rebellious ideals through their distinctive experimentation with different genres of music. Where as the sex pistols are a band that is fun to listen to once a month and not even seriously. They are novelty to me.

Response To Krishnamurti

2006-04-12T04:58:14Z

Are we all really selfish, thirsty consumers that never get enough, and are never satisfied? Yes, we all are because the individual never stops his/hers’ consumption rampage to think about what they’re really doing. Because of this we are always stuck in a hole, as we consume more and more, the maze known, as satisfaction gets more and more complex and larger. This simple consumption is no longer enough. We get so lost in our search for more satisfying things that we have no idea that our chance for real freedom and self-realization is getting slimmer and slimmer as the maze gets more complex. Our problems become more and more depressing.
The lost individual will be forever lost is they do not come to self-realization. He is depressed and confused. Confusion is a feeling that can potentially evolve itself into either a more intricate sadness or physical problems. The solution would be to realize an exit to the maze before it is entirely impossible to do so by realizing ourselves and our unhealthy mental relationships with the world’s many deceptions. It’s always easier to fall on our knees before the world’s deceptions than it is to realize something real. Deceptions are presented to you as opposed to realities, which are to be sought out within you. People are presented with a door that can potentially open up to their inner selves but so many people are fixated on what’s behind the door instead of the evolution of thought that leads to the door opening. Life what Krishnamurti said, “To understand the full significance of living, we must understand the daily tortures of our complex life; we cannot escape from them.”
Anything can be deceiving. If the path to total freedom is the understanding of one’s own actions and relationships with the cosmos, then we live a life of deceitful actions and false relationships. The complexities of life are always related to one another like core human feelings. They share relationships and if a relationship is to flourish in the first place, action must be taken first in order to seek out the actual relationship. Because our actions are deceitful and our relationships are false and unhealthy, we must change them. A redirection of our actions is needed and they need to be turned inward at ourselves in order for us to achieve this difficult self-realization. This will also reveal the relationships we have within ourselves. We are never supposed to seek building materials on the outside when a sturdy foundation hasn’t already been built yet. When the individual’s internal ideals collapses, chaos will ensue, and from the dust and rubble, confusion is born, and from confusion, we are prone to other mental and physical dangers.

29 Tao Te Ching Response

2006-04-12T04:57:45Z

29. If you want to grab the world and run it.
I can see you will not succeed.
The world is a spiritual vessel, which can’t be controlled.

Manipulators mess things up.
Grabbers lose it, Therefore:

Sometimes you lead
Sometimes you follow
Sometimes you are stifled
Sometimes you breathe easy
Sometimes you are strong
Sometimes you are weak
Sometimes you destroy
And sometimes you are destroyed.

Hence, the sage shuns excess
Shuns grandiosity
Shuns arrogance.

The world is made up of many vessels. We are spiritual vessels within the spiritual vessel known as the world. This is a matter of perception. One man cannot grab another’s spirit, soul, perception, and call it his own when he himself is wrong to be arrogant, arrogant enough to pronounce himself as a ruler. Ruling doesn’t take the time to understand and it doesn’t require one to establish individual relations with others. Therefore it is impossible to grab the world. You cannot grab the world full of many other vessels when you yourself are a vessel. It is virtually impossible. If you do so, you are only promoting yourself as a fake leader because there should never be a leader amongst men.
The act of grabbing is the act of consuming and ultimately you lose what you grab. A fish in a pond can be grabbed and eaten but you ultimately lose it because it leaves your physical well-being and its soul does not become a part of yours. When you take a man’s life in an act of revenge, you want his soul. You feel he has taken something from you and because of that you seek something of his. But you lose that because there is no consumption in the act of killing, just only loss.

Work

2006-04-12T04:57:05Z

Maybe there is death perhaps. We always fear what we do not know. Some people fear death and some people embrace it as a part of life. I was taught to embrace death from a young age through my parent’s religion, Buddhism. Death is the next step after life and that if you live a kindhearted life; the transition between the two would be painless. So I pretty much grew up fearing my actions in life as opposed to fearing death. But as I got older and began to indulge myself in immoral and “sinful” practices, I began to accept death even more from a different perspective. It is hard to accept death because it can be represented so differently through religion, and from movies. I suspect that we have no idea how serious death really is, since we’re bombarded with it through the media, video games, movies, etc. We lose taste for death. Its been so stripped down. We acknowledge death as when a body stops breathing, or a bloody lifeless corpse. However we forget about all the little details and feelings that come into play and it’s those little details that come together that make the idea of death much more colorful and dimensional.
I feel I cannot prepare myself for death. We’re just as natural as grass and therefore we’ll perish just like it. I feel that in order for people to prepare themselves for death, they have to lie to themselves because there is no hard evidence of it. That’s what religion is. People seek answers in religion and since death is an idea that floats in everyone’s mind, people seek the truth about death. I want to be unprepared for death because I want to truly appreciate it when the time comes, if I get a chance to. I don’t want to indulge in religion or society’s answers because I feel that they’ll upset the experience or taint it by making me expect something different. I sound like I’m wishing for death even though I’m not. I haven’t appreciated life enough that I can move onto death.

Number 7

2006-04-12T04:56:41Z

Money

2006-04-12T04:55:36Z

Money is the division between humans. It is the only criteria in which we separate ourselves from each other, the rich from the poor, the upper class from the middle and lower classes, the homeless from those with homes, and the well dressed from the one’s that are not, etc. Money characterizes many of the classes and it also enforces many other stereotypes of those classes, such as racial stereotypes; that white people are predominantly rich and minorities are predominantly poor. This leads us to believe that these different peoples are either fond or stressed with money because of their skin color.
The upper class is the ultimate class that dictates the following descending classes because they control the circulation of money through society through their corporations, politics, and lobbying tactics. They control with money and money gives them social status, identity, and power. And for the lower classes, their lives are riddled with financial and economic problems however they all see to want to have more money so they too can identify themselves with the upper class.
Life comes with a price tag and most of us are born just to make enough money to finally afford to buy the life we want and most of the time some of us never do. A lot of people even work themselves to death. People throw their real lives away for money, that real life does not mean that you slave yourself to your boss or that you chain yourself to your cubicle. It’s sad to think that for some people, which their lives revolve around work. That they’re absolutely doomed without it because they have to work for their money to hold on to their identities because without they might end up on the streets. I see people that tell homeless people begging for change to go get a hob. In a way the homeless are more free than we are. They don’t a residence where the government can walk in and tax them and they aren’t in a race to achieve social status or become rich. This is our problem, we put too much hope in that tropical vacation, that we might never go there, because we finally lie dead at our cubicles with out legs still chained to it.

Punk Is Really Dead

2006-04-12T04:55:15Z

It’s lame that I’m going to write about how punk isn’t dead so instead I’m going to write about how it is dead, long dead. There’s punk and then there’s punk culture, kind of like rap and hip hop, where the lifestyle is defined by its own musical product. Like the corporate infiltration of the Seattle grunge scene, where after the successes of Nirvana, Pearl Jam, and Sound garden, corporate record labels began to throw ridiculous record deals at premature bands simply because of their geographical location, the same is happening to punk. These corporate record companies randomly pick what they consider “punk” and give them a record deal, money, and an artificial fan base. With bands like Blink 182, and New Found Glory, the corporations have a nasty habit of taking something that has been around for some time, give it a new name and credit themselves as the discoverers. Because of that we have pup-punk. What the fuck does popularity have to do with punk music at all? By giving punk a new name and making it more friendly, its only bringing the music to people who shouldn’t listen to punk, people who don’t have that natural rebellious personality.
These newly manufactured punks are another example of corporate infiltration. We all know the Seattle grunge scene for its flannel wearing smelly culture. But in reality they wore flannel cause it was cold. Now human necessity is a fashion statement. For punk, the fashion was always something that came out from corporate infiltration and social conformity. “Here are a few patches and a pair of worn out black stretch jeans, now that we made you into a the punk parents hate but kids want to be, go out there and recruit.” Now kids can go out to their local hot topic and buy that obnoxious pair of bondage pants and that Bad Religion sticker to put on their dad’s car to show their suburban community how fucking punk they are. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “Punk is in the mind, man.” If that’s true then why do kids feel the need to look like a dead punk rock star from the 70’s.
Corporate infiltration has been so rooted in both punk and punk culture that its already impossible to even say punk isn’t dead. “It’s not dead, I’m a real punk and I’m trying to keep it alive and real.” Well do something else except sewing patches to your jacket because corporations still have their hands in punk and are using you as a fashion role model. Punk used to be in your head, now it’s the 19.99$ price tag you pay at Hot topic. Go make something new, it was always about something new and countering pop-culture.

Reflection 6

2006-04-12T04:54:11Z

I definitely wrote a lot. I definitely read a lot. I think I a learned a lot. I’m not sure. I feel like I walked in with the same knowledge I left with. I feel like I’m leaving with only the names of the philosophers we talked about and what they had to say because that was the only aspect of class I enjoyed.
I feel like everyone was virtually in love with himself or herself for the whole year. Know one really want to reach out to other people. The discussion logs must’ve been painful for some people it made them remember their conversation with other people. I think the discussion logs were pretty pointless, I felt it was more cannon fodder than it was a real representation of what I really had to think.
Outside of school I have a new take on life but that comes with just growing up. You just shed your old skin and grow a new one, and this happens over and over again. I definitely developed a greater wisdom outside of the classroom than I did inside mainly because I felt like a bag was put over my head every time I walked into class.
The military recruiter for one was great because I felt like we were giving a hard time, especially with Solomon’s question about following orders to terrorize to the country of Iraq. All the bitching and moaning was definitely a big aspect of class because that was how we ever got to change things around in class. I don’t really remember much about the whole year except for the last month. Its something I rather forget than to hold dearly to my heart.
I kind of remember Kathy’s many flip outs in class. Rhapsody was a pretty evil class. And also how people felt really self-entitled to get in each other faces because of how respected they felt. And because of that, they felt the need to disrespect others.
Like I said I read a lot of hard texts this year and reading only gets easier the more you read. A big part of me being able to read something is if I have the slightest interest in what the reading might have to say. I feel that through this class I’ve been able to criticize what I read more as opposed to reading something and just believing it word for word just because it’s a published book. I definitely take the time to hand write my assignments because I think better that way, typing something up first makes me feel like a stenographer and my mind is always drawing blanks midway through sentences.
With the whole homework grade thing, it definitely made me realize what a lazy person I’ve become. It showed me how careless I got. It’s like my reading skills, a big part of being able to read something for me is if I care about what it has to say. I’ve become a very critical person. It’s the whole class mentality. I feel I took the whole “I get to choose what I want to learn” thing too far. With that in mind, it’s even hard to sit in a classroom for 5 minutes.
Here’s a quote from my first reflection.

“Living in this system has installed this disbelief in the American way of democracy. It went from a perfect, fair, judicious roman idea, to a system where the power-hungry triumphed and the dwelled in their shadows. Clearly the class’s decision to elect me was “against the encumbrance” but isn’t that the will of the students? If those who represent them on a higher political platform dissatisfy the students, they have the right to choose a new embodiment of their rights. So far democratic decisions in the classrooms are successful because students are taking the power given to them to structure the class so that it can become somewhat more personal to our learning needs.”

Here’s a quote from the beginning of this reflection.

“I definitely wrote a lot. I definitely read a lot. I think I a learned a lot.”

Rhpasody is full of bratty individuals. I’m a brat but I think I feel I keep that side of me only to myself very well. Also people have a hard time differentiating a joke from a punch to the face. To them every thing is a joke. All the fiery fights that ignited in class just showed me how emotionally unstable people can get. This class definitely opened up the ugly side of people like a can.
But everywhere you go, you’re going to run into the same types of brats over and over again, That’s how life is, there’s no telling what’s going on in their skulls or what type of mental maps are in place.
I would keep everything the way it was. The problem this year wasn’t the curriculum, but it was more so the class. Form my understanding this is first year you did this whole voting system thing. Just don’t do it again, and if you’re going to let it naturally develop amongst the kids, don’t randomnly throw in a few restrictions here and there.
It’s finally over. I know this isn’t exactly a full paragraph but it’s hard to elaborate on an idea like “it’s over.” There’s not much you can say. Perhaps the class was bound for destruction.

Reflection 5

2006-04-12T04:53:46Z

The main insights we explored in the hegemony and good life unity would be in order to lead a good life we need to break away from hegemonic powers such as the standards of living, the government, religion, military rule, etc. The unit made me realized that were all don’t live a good life because we life within the boundaries given to us by the government, as if we’re pigs in a pen. Now that the unit has raised awareness to the problems it is easier for me to go about living a better life.
The walking trips were definitely informative. Not only are people being oppressed, they’re total assholes about it too. Like in star bucks how the granny gave us the finger. But it also showed us how people are aware that they’re being ripped off but it’s confusing because not every is really doing much to save them.
I’m definitely a better reader now. The more you read the better you become at it. It goes for essays, the more you write, the better you get and your train of thoughts also gets better. If you have work to do, get it done.
From reading about the various systems of power we discussed in class, it definitely made me more aware about how we’re being tossed around between hegemonic powers like a baseball. I thought the hegemonic workshops were great, and would’ve been better if I actually put time in it. I didn’t show up for it. Class has been shit for me for that last 4 weeks and I’m glad I’m not going to see certain Rhapsody individuals anymore.
If the college schedule came quicker, life for me would’ve been more bearable. I wish we could’ve had a therapy session because for some, outside sessions are not enough. Maybe if people got it grip the last month would’ve been better.
I’M NOT GOING TO BE IN HIGH SCHOOL ANY MORE. Remember when the military recruiter came?

FIRST SEMESTER STUFF

2006-04-12T04:52:46Z

BEGINS HERE

LOG

2006-01-23T19:49:56Z

Early Half Of October, 2005 "Dirty Shoes"
Early Half Of October, 2005 "Art School"
Early Half Of October, 2005 "Introspective Me"
12/15/05 "Artist Statement
Early Half Of January, 2006 "Do You Speak Language Or Does Language Speak You?"
Early Half Of September, 2005 "Feed Essay"
Early Half Of September, 2005 "Homecoming Essay"
1/10/06 "The Fork"
Late Half Of November 2005, "Human Perception"
1/20/06 "Death"
1/19/06 'Fear"
Late Half Of October, 2005 "Untitled: DVD Monologue Script"
1/10/06 "Internship Final Thoughts"
1/01/06 "Finding Ourselves In Class"
12/05/06 "Linguistics: Thoughts On Orwell's Essay"
Early Half of November, 2005 "Skills Reflection 1"
12/15/05 "Skills Reflection 2"
1/21/06 "Skills Reflection 3"
From 2005 - 2006 "Snowball Paper"
The Month of October, 2005 "Me Now DVD Project"
1/6/06 "Big Discussion Log #1"
1/17/06 "Small Group Discussion #2"

What I Think About Online Portfolios?

2006-01-23T17:56:50Z

Online Portfolios are more of a spectacle than anything. I feel i will have a blast looking back at my essays in the future and remenice about what i went through this school year. The online portfolio is a sign. Its meaning isn't necessarily embedded in the text. Just by looking at the essay, i can conceptualize memories such as the steps i took to complete the assignments. In addition, my online portfolio can be viewed by other people as well as incoming seniors.

Discussion Log Sample

2006-01-23T06:20:15Z

1/6/06
Kathy started off the conversation by introducing her group’s assigned reading, “Sports And Masculinity,” which was about gender distinction in high school varsity sports. Melinda introduced my group’s story, “Intersex Child,” which is about the difficulties when it comes to giving sex changes to infants. Two more groups went ahead and introduced their readings to the class. The conversation I felt was brought to a new level when Andy said, “Who are you? Do gender stereotypes reinforce who you are?” Andy had disagreed with Katrina who reiterated her readings point of saying that people should question if your genitalia determine who you are. Reliecha then says that society labels you your gender. Kathy believes that kids, as they grow older, question their sexuality. I agree with Raliecha because our genitalia do dictate our genders. And our genders dictate to us these certain guidelines about how a boy or girls should act. I feel that there is no limitation to how a person can behave, regardless of gender, and that these stereotypes can backfire and instead of reinforcing who a person is supposed to be cause rip them a part by causing a conflict of identities.

Small Group
Conversation with Katrina about what qualifies artists
“I’m Constantly Analyzing the world, art can also be a tool of communication.” – Katrina
“People qualify themselves.” – Virgil
Art to me is how people communicate their physical or mental vision to other people, in any form of media. If someone can manipulate something they see, whether through mental images or conversation, I think they qualify as an artist, because they are able to see things as objects and not as “things”.

Snowball Paper

2006-01-23T06:04:56Z

It’s nearly impossible for me to write this paper because I feel like I have nothing to say about the self. “Knowing thyself” isn’t prioritized on my “to-do” list and after weeks and weeks of procrastination and pacing back and forth between thoughts I can’t put my thumb on it. Instead of knowing thyself, I find myself becoming frustrated with the idea of the self. Anybody who claims that they know the self shouldn’t be recognized for being wise or understanding but instead should be recognized as being a liar to them. Even in my speech I say “the self”. What is “the”? Its impossible for us put our thumb on the same “self” let alone have a discussion about it. There is no such thing as a defined self, but the human being creates this mental representation of the self to become more in touch with the world.
From our class is get the idea that if we don’t leave the class everyday with a complete understanding of who we are, we are less wise than those who know who they are. But the way I see it is that we are indeed wiser than those who say they know the self. Because I personally feel that the people who are truly wise do not whole heartily jump to conclusions and believe everything one person might say about the self. I see class being divided into 3 different groups people, those who “know thyself”, those who do not, and those who can care less. I believe those who do not know about the self and do not care enough to find it is wiser because they are taking their time learn. Finding the self isn’t something that can be concluded over the course of three months of in class arguments and assignments that I can’t whole heartily complete because I don’t feel an attachment to what it is asking me to do. I compare myself to me when I thought I knew who I was and I can’t believe that that was who I was back then.
Knowing thyself is, not knowing at all. That was who I was back then. Before this whole “know thyself” business ever emerged. Back then I was convinced that I had found who I was. How is that possible? This related to Rousseau’s idea that infants and children not already brought to their knees by the world’s seductive corruption is as pure as a human being can get. Why? They are foreign to the world. Compared to us who are given these tools in our search for the self, I believe that we will never truly discover who or what the self really is, aside from convincing ourselves that we really are who we are. Can we truly find the self with the nicely wrapped tools given to us?
Linguistics is the verbal representations of every individual. It’s the core essence of who are in terms of how we communicate, almost like a birthright like our names. The way “I” is used in the English language proves that society has an influence over how we define individualism till the point where we have to acknowledge it in our speech. In a way, the way we refer to the self linguistically is almost like we them as living and breathing individual entities. We as people argue over what individualism and the self is. However through our means of communication we still acknowledge the orthodox English linguistic definition of the self, simply by specifically using phrases “Me” and “I” in our speech and writing.
Like I said before, linguistics is the verbal form of basic human expression, not yet abstract articulate human expression. Through verbal communication, we reiterate our feelings and desires in the world. Phrases such as “I am happy” and “I want it to be sunny today” are merely thin representations of what we truly want. Perhaps deep inside what we really feel or desire isn’t describable by words so the translations from mind to speech is crude. Personally, if I were to say, “I am happy right now” there would have to be a number of factors that provoke that “happiness” within in. It might not even be happiness, but it’s a childhood feeling that has been classified in our minds and often turned to for reference. The factors that might come in play would be the bright sky, or the color of a car, or even something like a soda or something. There are so many more factors that can provoke my specific kind of happiness but we usually just represent that out loud as “I am happy right now.” This is similar to what R. D. Laing dictates in his 1967 essay, “The Politics of Experience”.

“Our capacity to think, except in the service of what we are dangerously deluded in supposing is our self-interest, and in conformity with common sense, is pitifully limited: our capacity even to see, hear, touch, taste and smell is so shrouded in veils of mystification that an intensive discipline of un-learning is necessary for anyone before one can begin to experience the world afresh, with innocence, truth and love.”

Laing explains that our minds often confuse rational thinking with common sense. That are delusional because of this because we then think that common sense and thinking on the surface is self interest; That we are thinking deeply where as we’re not at all. This is true. At times I can find myself thinking very marginally to myself. We all have this idea that the voice that exists within our minds is this sacred wise and mystic side of ourselves. We end up convincing ourselves that this “divine” voice is absolute and is the representation of the wisdom that exists within our minds. Laing says this is merely us lying to ourselves, convincing ourselves that we are smart individuals where as we’re really not. He then explains that our five senses, sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell shouldn’t be the basis of your rational thinking and that they’re merely rational human functions that need to be broken down in order to redo the act of living life.
If what Laing says is true then what we say every day and how we dictate how our mind works is completely false. This is because we confuse our feelings with our senses and we often let our senses determine what our minds think. Laing says that these senses are corrupted by the world in order function within its margins. With the senses we have now, they are so dulled and overworked that we no long sense life for what it is. If our speech is dictated by these corrupted senses then the feelings we describe are not really feelings at all. They’re more likely paired up with childhood memories. Even with memories, the self could not be substantiated upon childhood memories and references. Because of this, our speech no longer truly comes from deep within.
Personally I believe that any kind of a debate over the forms and functions of “the” self is pointless. From observing class discussions, I find that we never really come to a conclusion from our discussion. I understand that not all discussions always need to end up at a solution but having talked to my peers personally, people are frustrated with their search for the self. This class for me has chewed up what I initially believed was who I am. Even though there isn’t a grade acting as an overseer to our success in the classroom, being smothered and suffocated by papers and assignments that forcefully pry themselves into my ideals has caused me to become selfless. Isn’t the self a lie in the first place? If the self can be referred to in the context of “it”, then it is made into a physical representation of some sort. People like myself refer to the self as this alternate image of us. Whether we live day to day, we still have this faint idea of who we are.
Mentally ill people are perhaps the only people on this earth who are the closest to discovering the self, whether it is their own individual or an idea shared by all. The reason this is true is because mentally ill people are detached from the world and its ideals. If one was mentally ill since birth they are exempt from the world’s teachings ever since its entrance into the world. As opposed to one who became mentally ill in the middle of their life, they had already been physically influenced by society and even if their mind no long functions, it used to act as an embodiment of society’s ideals. But we cannot say this is true for all mentally ill people because it totally depends on their condition. One might still be able to function, as society might want it to. I am talking about those who live in a complex world they created for themselves mentally, detached from worldly ideas. However I am not saying that whatever they experience is completely true and is definitely the self but it is a more defined version of what a majority of people who claim they know themselves experience. Mentally ill people also have created these embodiments of what they believe the self is. They whole heartily believe what they make up because they don’t know any better, according to society.

“Rather than being triumphant because of the huge emphasis it now enjoys, the self is at risk. Selfhood is now seemed to be in a state of perpetual crisis in the modern west. Alienated intellectuals and suicidal youth; culture wars and volatile markets; endless addictions to food, work, alcohol and narcotics sexual inadequacy and thrill killers – all feed into education and entertainment industries that keep the intensity of our selfhood perpetually on the boil, nagging and unsettling, but also inspiring and thrilling us with mystery, fear and pleasure.” (Mansfield 2)

The reason normal people like ourselves debate over what the self might be is because we find it hard to believe that the self can be so easily put into words, sentences, and discussions. This is what I believe. Also because I find it hard to believe that my “self”, the self that had been through so many changes and forms, can be defined the words of someone who doesn’t know who I am. But there are people who try to get in touch with the self through the means of meditation and other activities that put selfhood at the forefront of worldly ideals. Mansfield explains that we as human beings are drowning in a world of corruptors such as alcohol, drugs, and basically materialistic substitutes that sooth the gap between the self and us. But many don’t realize that by indulging in these “soothing agents” we are pushing the self away, the very thing we strive to get in touch with. Its gets to the point where it is just so far away and our minds have become so intertwined with the functions of these agents and so dependent upon them that we mistaken them for the self. Mansfield puts the blame upon society because he believes that society being the guiding light in the contemporary world; leave these people out in open for these agents to prey on. And on top of all that, they convince these people that’s its okay to become victimized by false embodiments of the self.
Suicidal youth are somewhat like the mentally ill people I describe earlier on, but they both have their differences. A mentally ill person yields neither to other people or worldly ideals except for his own. As opposed to suicidal youth who once had been so emerged and drowned in societies offerings that they realize the gap between them and the “divine” self had grown larger ever since they abandoned all hope. Then to make that gap larger they falsely embody the self as death and suicide to them was the only means to that.

Skills Reflection 3

2006-01-23T06:04:25Z

The big idea I got from phenomenology and language units is that now that we are in somewhat of an agreement about the self, phenomenology and language are tools in which the self can have perception and can communicate. Both perception and communications are extensions of the self in the sense that the perception something has is directly impacted from how it registers and conceptualizes the physical signs it see and that language being a tool of communication can indeed dictate part of what it means for one to acknowledge his/her own self.
I was really fascinated by all the drawings and diagrams about how the human mind can perceive a sign, relate it to something totally different, and conceptualize the actual sign into a mental memory or image in their heads. I felt this was the highlight because I’ve been going back and forth between the subjects between my photography and becoming aware about phenomenology has drawn more things to my attention.
I enjoyed the independent work we did, such as highlighting the signs passage, investigating the different languages we speak, etc. But truly, the only work I enjoyed was getting involved in discussions because I feel that this class is all about drawing your attention to the many aspects of this world and through talking with others I can relate my observations with theirs.
The essays I completed I felt was a reflection of my solitude. I like to work alone and so in order to write a lot of my essays, I went to places where I can be alone and write in my little leather bound journal. I always try to write before I type because I do believe that the pen really does jog the mind.
I didn’t really struggle with any kind of assignments. What I really struggled with was time management. However when the time came to complete the assignments I felt that I wasn’t fully prepared to complete them. For example, in the snowball paper, I felt that the sources we were given didn’t really help me to craft a thesis I really wanted to and instead I was unhappy with my current thesis. This problem has been pretty prominent throughout the semester, where I felt that the work we did in class didn’t necessarily correspond or aid us with our work outside of school. In a way I felt that what we do in class was just something we did for the sake of keeping ourselves occupied, maybe learning something new every other day.
Yes I did end up finishing the requirements, despite the minimum requirements changes towards the end. The progress I was making before the final dramatic changes could’ve also helped me accomplish the initial minimum requirements. With the Mergim deadline, I felt that was the real beginning of the rushing and the sabotage of my initial plans. With the threat of failing, I was forced to complete 5 essays for that deadline even though I intended on giving more time to those essays individually. Afterwards, aided with the frustrations of class and the schism between class work and home work I felt that there was no connection what so ever in our work and this caused me to go out of my way to find alternatives to these assignments. Next semester I hope to be given the chance to really do things my way.
I plan to plan my workload out more sensibly so that everything can be much more efficient. I think other students should take advantage of the class voting system much more. Andy should actually go by this beginning of the year syllabus and show Harold and Maude. And the class as a whole should stop whining.

Skills Reflection 2

2006-01-23T06:03:59Z

Skills Development Self-Assessment:

I do not think that my participation in class remains the same since my last skills reflection. Class discussions in my opinion have become more and more volatiles as two types of people emerge from the class; The people who are frustrated with the direction of the class and have given up, and the people who for whatever reason have taken a stand against Andy. Instead of taking a second understand, if not absorb what he says, people, in my opinion, have begun to brush off everything Andy says. I feel this degrades the values of his assignments and making them harder to accomplish. Personally I feel that one of the strongest ways I can tell if I am learning or not is through writing. Writing gives me a chance to test and train my thought process and make sense of everything. I feel I haven’t been doing as much as I should be in order to make the class more enjoyable and smoother for others and myself. I always have a proposal in mind in the beginning of class but I feel that the class doesn’t really care about how they spent their one or two hours in humanities. At times there are things on the agenda that I do not want to take part in but I always stay silent because I feel that making a proposal based on how I feel that day would be selfish and would not be in the best interest of the class. Andy isn’t the best/perfect teacher and yet we may not be the perfect students but I feel that we’re literally using a miniscule fraction of the freedom Andy is giving us and in the wrong way.
Like I said I feel that writing is one of my strengths. Through the year, I have been trying to work on proofreading, making my writing more concise and less bullshitting, sentence crafting, and grammar. Grammar, I feel is something I need to work on since most of what I write comes straight from my mental dialogue with myself. The snowball paper writing process has been a grueling process. As of now, it stands at six pages. It is just a continuation of chunks that I’ve written from time to time, taken from in class writings, thoughts, and my journal. In the beginning it was hard to even begin because I started off with a thesis that I didn’t whole heartily agree with. It’s hard to write when you don’t have anything to say about the topic. I feel my snowball paper is a direct reflection of how class is progressing because the any faults that happens in the class whether they are discussions turned petty vendettas, proposals with secret agendas, or rigged voting sessions, is reflected in my thoughts and when nothing comes to mind as I sit in the front of the computer, I feel like I got nothing from class the day or week before. The snowball paper is progressing slowly. Looking back at it everyday is definitely helping me in terms of grammar, re-working how I phrase things, and most importantly writing more. Being given almost total control over the snowball paper has encouraged me to devise new writing strategies, from handwriting it (since they say a pencil can job the mind), to spacing the writing out over a course of a few days.
Honestly, I haven’t been reading the assigned literature or passages. I feel like a rat saying this but the mounting amount of work has presented me with a major roadblock before we left for Christmas break. But as I am writing this skill reflection, the night before we go back to school, I feel a lot of things are back in order. I am just doing as much as I can before I’m presented with another roadblock. The snowball paper is about to be concluded but the exhibition process can be seen over the horizon. Hopefully when things definitely wind down I can take a real look at the stuff Andy assigns and really utilize the tools he’s given us.
At the same time I am also juggling my Independent Learning Plan, which is to create a 3 piece photographical exhibition of my work, with captions, and also to complete Andy’s minimum requirements. January will be strictly ILP month since my first goal coincides with the Parson’s School of Design home test. Right now I’m still going through the thought process, writing randomly in my journal and figuring out what to shoot. As of now I’m either going to exhibit work showing the influence that strangers have on me or what inspires me/frustrates me about the city. In my three pieces I will examine the theme through three different perspectives. Then I will write three 200-300-word captions for every piece of work, discussing what I was trying to depict, the process I went through in the darkroom, and of course where and why.

The Big-Idea:

In my snowball paper I said that the self does not exist, and anyone that might say that they know “the self” is merely desperate for conclusion in the life. I say this because I when I was younger I too through I knew myself. But looking back now I realized that I was a pathetic dweeb. But then the question arises, what if that was your real self and that what you are now is a total fake? The class has made me wonder about who I really am, and by doing so I sometime cause myself to be in bouts of depression but I’m only depressed because I feel that at an important time as this, I’m juggling such a silly problem; finding myself. But then again it isn’t that silly. I’m just curious how I’m going leave high school. What kind of person am I going to assume in college. I now question myself, more than ever. Am I who I really am? And the answer, whatever it may be, really frightens me because here I am determining what I’m going to spend my next fours years being, and I’m having doubts on who I really am. Hopefully I chose right.

The Highlights Reel:

One highlight would be the trial of Imani, Chris Li, and Marc, three individuals who didn’t fully complete their minimum requirements. I voted that Imani and Chris Li receive credit even thought Imani was missing one credit and Chris Li was barely near completion. I would never forget the class’s eruption when they found out that Chris Li go the credit. From here on whatever I say am simply I expressing what I felt about other people’s actions, they’re not necessarily what I think about them. I could understand Raliecha’s frustration with the Chris Li verdict because she felt that by voting for Chris Li then Imani’s case’s credibility would be naught. However when the class erupted, I felt sick. Suddenly Eugenia sitting next to me goes, “Man, what the fuck, yea that’s write Raliecha!” I mean how inconsiderate can this class get. I personally felt like shit after everyone erupted and I believe I can speak on behalf of Chris Li and people who voted for him. I know Andy had valuable reasons why Chris Li shouldn’t get the credit but personally I felt I took a gamble by saving his butt because I felt he was someone who could hold his ground and finish his work. Then the class made the point that Marc too should get the credit since Chris did. That was stupid too even though technically it is true. Andy even made the point that Marc’s alibi was complete crap. Here we have the class skipping a class vote. I understand that some people would’ve been prejudice but I would’ve personally voted for Marc too. We could’ve voted on new consequences or something for different peoples.

The Inevitable And Probably Important Movie Review:

I would say that something cool about the class thus far would be the roof top activities and the self-awareness exercises we do because they always show me something interesting about myself. I’ve encountered these experiences in my daily life, whether it would be feeling myself or smelling something, but I’ve never drawn my attention to them. I find these exercises useful because in away they’re slowing down my fast paced life, allowing me to think about anything for a few minutes.
If I were to say something disappointed about class this period I would say the class itself, and perhaps the lack of movies shown in class.

My Reaction To My Reaction:

I would say my reaction to my reaction has stayed the same since it’s almost the same unit or the continuation of the unit. So I guess my reaction last reflection is almost echoed in this reflection. “My reaction to the class is predictable. I don’t like to think that I’ve been suckered into liking this class just because of the freedom.” What remains consistent would be the fact that I’m still trying to utilize the class’s freedom in a way that is beneficial to me and not necessarily take it for granted. Something that has changed would be the fact that I feel that I’m no longer learning from what other people say. I just lost respect for certain individuals in the classroom because I feel they’re diminishing the very thing I set out to do in class for others and myself.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes:

I plan to participate more in class in order to change the way things are done. I think other individuals should wake up and do the same thing. And I think the entire class should just be better people.

Skills Reflection 1

2006-01-23T06:03:23Z

Skills Development-Evaluation:
Prior to this class, democracy in the classroom was as impossible as setting the moon on fire; in other words, it will never happen. This idea of democracy in the classroom is fairly new to me. It has happened in previous classrooms but rarely and usually a democratic vote is called for the most insignificant decisions because they didn’t really have an effect on our education. This explains why the first couple of times we democratically voted on each other proposals, I personally didn’t take part. It’s because of my earlier ill experiences with democracy in the classroom that encouraged this belief that a democratic classroom is in efficient, indecisive, and disastrous. However as making thoughtful decisions democratically became more frequent, its importance and opportunities became more apparent to me. For example, I realized the potential of a democracy when I became a senator in the student senate. Living in this system has installed this disbelief in the American way of democracy. It went from a perfect, fair, judicious roman idea, to a system where the power-hungry triumphed and the dwelled in their shadows. Clearly the class’s decision to elect me was “against the encumbrance” but isn’t that the will of the students? If those who represent them on a higher political platform dissatisfy the students, they have the right to choose a new embodiment of their rights. So far democratic decisions in the classrooms are successful because students are taking the power given to them to structure the class so that it can become somewhat more personal to our learning needs.
Writing strong essays in my opinion is the best academic tool you can leave high school with. I don’t want to sound like a spokesperson for long strenuous papers but I believe papers wield a greater importance than multiple choice questioned tests or any other method of student evaluation. I feel that more time is needed on building strong essays than the time we’re already given. Looking back on my academic career, I’ve noticed that as my education became more personal and important, I valued my mind more and more. It’s as if the alphabet now is insignificant when put next to Hobbes’s Leviathan. Some may argue that that’s not necessarily true, but that doesn’t matter, this is my paper. This is the power one can wield by crafting their papers. It is a raw, explanation of your thought without disruption. When I write my own paper, I’m often at war with myself. I find myself tangled in my own thoughts and writing papers is way for me to make sense of things.
Independent Learning Plans to me are ingenious. For the first time I’m not required to read out from an outdated textbook but instead I read out from textbooks that cater to my individual goals. This is so appealing to me because I am academically an independent person. ILP’s to me seem like an extension of my education out of my classroom, not as if their isn’t one already, but now I am being graded on fulfilling a personal goal. “Being graded on something that I really want to learn” I found myself thinking by myself. In the beginning of the year I was having trouble decided what that goal would be. Ultimately it became a take home entry exam for an art school I’m applying to. However I feel by making my ILP that, I am able to bring my work into school, and being able to sharpen my work more.
Films are an important part of understanding humanities. Films are the work of humans and are important if we are to explore the question “Who am I?” I had some personal experiences when making my DVD. I realized a lot of things about me. I realized how my mind functions in terms of prioritizing my tasks and carrying them out. I’m more motivated to complete a task that I have almost obsolete control and freedom over as opposed to a project that’s riddled with guidelines and restrictions. The process of making a film is as important as the finished whole project itself. I felt that making films are mechanical breakdowns and reconstructions of my mind and what I portray. I constantly scribbled and crossed out bad ideas in my notebook. By fully utilizing the time given to me I reserved a lot of time to myself, thinking about the movie. My thoughts often bounced side to side, from the vaguest details to the most intricate. I constantly broke down my ideas and as I did, I then had to breakdown those breakdowns. I felt like I was literally watching my brain as it worked, watching the blood flow through it, like a surgeon studying the human body.

The Big Idea:
I entered this class knowing what I would ultimately now learn. However this class doesn’t teach people. This class provides students with numerous alternative points of view. It encourages students to be more open-minded about themselves first before the world before them. For me, my previous knowledge had grown stronger through this class like a plant’s roots planting themselves into the hard ground, something that’s strong. My understanding of myself haven’t really changed in terms of how I perceive myself, however this class has made me realized how the self works and how it perceives the world. Isn’t that learning? Learning how to view things differently as opposed to one way. I felt that by understanding the ideas of great thinkers, it allowed me to see things their day. I felt as if I had subscribed to a new pair of glasses whether they were accustomed to me or not. I have disagreed with things read in class and vice versa but by being open minded, even about things you disagree with made me a stronger individual.

The Highlights Reel:
I loved the arguments. It just makes class so much more interesting. Not just because it stalls class but also because it lets me really see how people are. It’s not even their personalities that matter; I value the way people think. I think that’s what gives individualism its essence. My most memorable experience was when the class was divided in terms of academic strengths and grades. I remember I kept telling myself to stop being so close-minded. “They got bad grades so they’re lazy,” I thought to myself. Then as if this guardian voice bellowed from inside my mind and said, “That’s not right, you’re better than that Virgil.” I left class that day, more open-minded than I was already. This class to me is about encouraging open-mindedness whether through friendly means or provocative ideas. Being open-minded allows you to learn more about something.

The Inevitable And Probably Important Movie Review:
I really enjoy the Know Thyself Unit. The readings are really provocative and challenging. For lack of a better way of putting it, I feel I learn best when the education is almost harmful. When a person is hurt, they retreat and hide under a blanket of personal ideas they can identify with. That’s not learning. When I’m put in that kind of situation I take the opportunity to give myself into the pain, in a way understanding or just embodying what I’ve learned. As for the future, I am looking forward to it. I’m still waiting until we watch films in class and write about them. I feel films are very important if we’re going to be a “humanities” class.

My Reaction To My Reaction:
My reaction to the class is predictable. I don’t like to think that I’ve been suckered into liking this class just because of the freedom. I believe that there are still responsibilities that I still carrying along with me as I evolve from a pupil to a “living” being in this world. I guess the reason why I said my reaction is predicted is because this is my reaction to anything new. My human instinct and personality would tell me to slack off but my responsibilities encourage me to take full advantage of the class. For example, the individual learning plans allow me to do so because the grade is now dependent on how I fulfill something that’s important to me and not the traditional process of earning the grade itself. I would compare this experience to living life. In class we discussed wisdoms. I feel through learning about our self-interests, we’re in fact making ourselves better people. I believe that I obviously haven’t lived my life fully. “I haven’t seen it all.” I am still surprised by this class and I’m presented with new knowledge and a new understanding on which I am. In life we’re all students. No one really knows everything. In class discussions, I’m constantly learning from other people’s comments on readings.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes:
If I can do things differently, I would probably prioritize and plan my tasks a bit more fluently. As of now I’m in a schedule slump. I have work that I’ve been meaning to do for weeks that I’ve been constantly putting off. I think the class, as a whole should do the readings. The reason some of us can stand class is because no one reads the readings and therefore they have nothing to bring to discussions. This makes class dull because it’s the same people who dominate the discussion with their ideas. We need to show more films in class.

Linguistics, Thoughts On Orwell's Essay

2006-01-23T04:21:54Z

Linguistics is the verbal representations of every individual. It’s the core essence of who are in terms of how we communicate, almost like a birthright like our names. The way “I” is used in the English language proves that society has an influence over how we define individualism till the point where we have to acknowledge it in our speech. In a way, the way we refer to the self linguistically is almost like we them as living and breathing individual entities. We as people argue over what individualism and the self is. However through our means of communication we still acknowledge the orthodox English linguistic definition of the self, simply by specifically using phrases “Me” and “I” in our speech and writing.
Like I said before, linguistics is the verbal form of basic human expression, not yet abstract articulate human expression. Through verbal communication, we reiterate our feelings and desires in the world. Phrases such as “I am happy” and “I want it to be sunny today” are merely thin representations of what we truly want. Perhaps deep inside what we really feel or desire isn’t describable by words so the translations from mind to speech is crude. Personally, if I were to say, “I am happy right now” there would have to be a number of factors that provoke that “happiness” within in. It might not even be happiness, but it’s a childhood feeling that has been classified in our minds and often turned to for reference. The factors that might come in play would be the bright sky, or the color of a car, or even something like a soda or something. There are so many more factors that can provoke my specific kind of happiness but we usually just represent that out loud as “I am happy right now.